Freeway Cola XX

I do not even recognise the words "Freeway Cola XX" - I mean, let's take it one step at a time....

Freeway is the low-rent, budget version of Lidl's soft drinks.

Cola, well we all kind of know what "cola" is.... it's a brown fizzy thing.

XX - I mean.... XX?  I guess it's to mimic the X at the end of MAX, as in Pepsi?  But just randomly throwing at the end of a product name without any context?  I have patience, but this is just like marketing dartboard shit!  I presume, and I am being generous here, that the XX actually means, somehow, sugar free?  Hell, maybe even caffeine free?

Now..... product and packaging aside.....

WTF?

I struggle to even tell which product has been randomly shopped here..... it's a pizazzling smorgasbord of random shit all chucked together.....

My OCD eye twitches and I can taste metal.

fuck peas

 The term "fuck peas" has rarely been more apt than in this 13 year long reboot of this blog.

So, I give to you, the point where important decisions were made, and for tea we had pork pie and red wine....

(Aldi - Oakes, Hudds) - i know, Aldi is such low hanging fruit, but i needed to get back on the bus somehow, right?

Welcome back, me!

Shopping List (crackers)

Loving the neatness of the cutting on this piece of A4 ruled hole-punched piece of paper.  It's somehow let down slightly by the brevity of the list, but redeemed by the seemingly "random" items placed thereupon.

 Crackers?  You must be - That must be the reason you're also searching for the "customary" dressing gown and slippers that accompany all new patients!

(written on lined paper)

Shopping List (carrots)

Ooh - look at this.  A shopping list to end all shopping lists....

Some important notes of interest are as follows:

a) It's a long shopping list and you don't find that many long ones.

b) It's written on plain paper... no punches, no spiral bound, no lines.... just plain.

c) It contains a couple of really funny spazz-outs!

c i) "Meance" sounds like Beyonce!

c ii)"Begg" sounds like Leg!

c iii) Abbreviated "pepper" to "pep" made me, at first read it as "Red pop"

c iv) Nice mixed case and capitalisation of items i.e. garlic BUT Red etc

d) I think they're having spaghetti bolognese for tea!

(written on folded a4 plain paper folded to a5 but not torn)

Shopping List (papers)

Short but very VERY sweet.

This "chancer" does not really need a list for these items... it makes me wonder whether this is some small child (obviously underage for playing the lottery) that's been sent to the newsagent to pay Grannie's paper bill (she's too embarrassed to go herself) and this note acts as "security" like when your mum used to send you to the shop for her fags! - or it's simply someone with old-timer's disease that really wants a punt on the lottery!!  Smart!

(written on a rather smart piece of paper that looks like it's from one of those notepad cube things)

Shopping List (onions)

A real rarity, this one.  Rare and never to be repeated, it's a shopping list of my own that I found lying about.

Now, I'm not trying to outdo anyone with my zany list but you've got to admit it's a pretty wacky collection of items.

Onions (specifically three of them) means I had a specific recipe in mind when I made this out.  

The small cauliflower suggests I was making my vegetable curry.  

The fact that toothpaste, crickets and earrings all appear together on the list suggest I was going to park at the pet shop on the ring road and get the food for my praying mantises... then hop across to the indoor market and check out the earrings on offer (I'm always up for some "hinged" sleepers) - probably scoring the toothpaste at Home Bargains or Wilkos on the return and get free parking at the pet shop into the bargain!

(written on a scrap of paper)

Shopping List (Pot)

 This list works for me on a whole heap of levels.

Anyone who adds "POT" (in block capitals to emphasise this and placing at the top of the list) to their Friday-big-shop is OK by me.

It's like a little Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in its own right - the only items missing might be a woolly jumper and a hooker.

Gotta get these things right.... got my pot.... then the munchies.... cup of tea and some toast... check..... glass of gin... check.... series of stoned stunts involving farts and hairspray.... check....  the rest is a complete mystery.

The fact that someone is UNchristian enough to tear up a Christian Aid leaflet so they don't forget to buy some blow is testament to this list in itself.

(written on a christian aid leaflet)

shopping list front

 shopping list back

Shopping List (sugar)

Oh Sarah and Ashley, what did you let yourselves in for?

I am trying to work out from the list what this happy couple might be enjoying for their evening meal when they get home tonight.  My guess is fish finger sarnies with an assortment of "veg" - hopefully not simply a bag of frozen mixed veg, but a stunning array that is far too stunning to detail in a simple shopping list.

As for onions and sugar?  Perhaps it's that age-old northern speciality of toffee onions - not dissimilar to toffee apples other than the fact that they are made with onions and NOT apples.

One item of extra special interest is the item that's been "scrubbed" from the list... is it a tart? A fort?  Sarah, Ashley, if you're reading, please let us know what it was you DIDN'T need!

(written on a small envelope)

Shopping list front

shopping list back

Shopping List (chocolate bars)

Written on a piece of paper far too big to fit your shopping list onto, I am continually amazed at how few items people need before making a list of them.... I mean, six items, perfectly understandable, but five?  Where is the line?

The naming convention of this list, coupled with very neat joined-up writing is a joy to behold..... not just any old chocolate, but chocolate bars....  not just any old tuna but tuna fish!  I bet they were not going to just any old supermarket but to a... you get the idea.  It's genius!  

And did I mention the writing?  What lovely calligraphy.

(written on an a6? spiral bound sheet)

Shopping List (Timber?)

Here's a different kind of shopping list.  I'm attracted to this list for a couple of reasons.

1) six feet and five inches is actually 11/64ths of an inch out!

2) Timber?  I mean "timber" - what the hell does that mean?

Ok so these reasons may not be universally appealing but it resonates with me because I am a feckless DIYer and it's the kind of moronic list I would write for myself knowing that I am about to be laughed off the forecourt of Walker Timber in Birkby!  Shades of spotty oiks in computer shops offering 1Mb hard disks whilst snearing down their spotty noses at tech-unsavvy shoppers!

(written on scrap of plain paper)

Eggs and Snack-A-Jacks

Every slimmer knows the immediate allure of the Snack-A-Jack rice crackers that are like fat free(ish) crisps, but nowhere near as good. I can only hope that the person responsible for this particular piece of randomisation is tucking heartily into a bag of caramel flavoured ones instead of the promised courgette frittata that they could have made with James Potter's (Yorkshire) free range eggs. I can only hope that with their last two quid, they took full advantage of the multibuy option, thereby saving forty pence (almost a whole bag).

Shopping List (Huge)

An Inland Revenue Tax Credits Office envelope was used to create this masterpiece. Biggest shopping list EVER! The envelope is so large it doesn't even properly fit on my A4 scanner!!

Immediately of note:

• Dual shop list - Featuring two lists for the price of one with certain items highlighted at each shop. Savings aplenty by buying cold meats and fruit and veg at Aldi, and sticking with the better items like Sainsbury's coffee - anyone who has drunk Aldi's "Alcafe" will sympathise with this reasoning.
• Random layout - The seemingly random placement of items like "Pasta" and the "x2" above pesto for no reason. Also the use of the hyphens seems a bit random. Note that the Aldi list has only one hyphen, but the Sainsbury's bit is hyphenated to separate items in the list on the same line, or indeed just to start a new line.
• Our milk - Please be more specific or you'll just end up with a six pinter of semi-skimmed.
• Bana - Obviously as you were writing banana, you were overcome with the desire to buy "peppers x1" and couldn't wait to write it down.
• Peppers x1 - That's singular. Pepper, please stipulate red or green, or even yellow or orange if you're feeling a bit way out.
• Sandwich meat - I love the use of the term "couple of hams etc" for no specific reason than it works brilliantly, especially the "etc" caveat at the end, which covers chicken, salami, beef, even turkey ham if you so wish.
• - (Breaded fish) - The only hyphenated item on the Aldi list and the only item that appears in parentheses. I just find that a bit weird.

Shopping List (Susan's Lunch)

Strangely, I'm more interested in shopping lists now than I am in snapping pictures of randomly shopped items in the supermarket. All these lists are found in supermarket car parks or in supermarket shopping trolleys or baskets.

Immediately of interest:

• Susan's lunch - I take it that the items on the list don't actually constitute the global term "Susan's lunch" and that the shopper must be very familiar with Susan's lunch so as to not have to actually itemise the required components.
• I love the correct use of the apostrophe in "Susan's". Good grammar throughout with good capitalisation.
• Gum - Chewing gum? Bubble gum? Spearmint? Peppermint? Too vague for my liking. Please be more specific. I hate not knowing what was required.
• Item 4 - Ham Biscuit box - Can't decide if this is Ham and separate item Biscuit box or whether I am misinterpreting the word Ham!?!?! Judging by the excellent use of grammar, you'll notice the capitalisation indicates two separate items.... All that remains is whether you wanted sweet biscuits or savoury biscuits for a cheese board.
• Cakes - Please be more specific!!
• Turkey crown + gammon - What a treat. Get some pineapple while you're there!!

Shopping List (forgetful?)

It's been a while since I've featured a shopping list, and it's been a while since I picked this particular one up.... I think it was from Sainsbury's but I couldn't hazard a guess at when it was.

Things of immediate interest:

• Lovely little notelet pad (lined and spiral bound).


• Great abbreviation of broccoli to "broc".


• The list is so bloody short that you have to wonder whether they ought to be including some fish or omega 3 capsules to help their brain function properly. I mean, come on, did it really warrant a list? Thankfully, it seemingly did!!

Jammy Donut Jammie Dodgers

Oddly enough, this random shopping crime scene is made extraordinary through the very fact that these jam-filled, store baked donuts, come in packs of four or more.......

It therefore beggars my belief that someone would simply opt to leave a single donut amongst the Mini Jammie Dodgers.....

More disturbing than the fact that someone has blatantly violated their multipack of deep fried, sugar coated pastries (or are they breads?) is the fact that my childhood nostalgic biscuit treats (the Jammie Dodger) has been sullied by being forced into:
a) Mini versions.
b) Berrilicious version!?!

Mexican and Marmite

A beautifully incompatible collection of goods thrown together by some deranged random shopper. Imagine.... Marmite.... peanut butter..... chilli style beans..... all washed down with an Old El Paso Mexican meal kit.

I can only hope that the shopper in question was a little light in their pocket, and decided that they couldn't afford the luxury of the spread you love or hate and/or the lovely SunPat Crunchy Peanut Butter..... as for the Chilli style beans...... I'd have thought it would have worked with the kit, but then maybe all the spices and stuff were included?

Hope it turned out ok for them.... personally, I'd have stuck with the Marmite and the P.B.

Mixed bag in Cat Biscuits

A rather eclectic mix abandoned amongst the pet products. I can only imagine that the items that are discarded are some sort of hangover cure, perhaps? There's a white bloomer (loaf of bread to the uninitiated; a pack of Co-op own brand paracetamol; some Ocean Spray Cranberry Classic juice.

I have to assume that the offending, hungover, random shopper's conscience was pricked when they realised they only had enough money left in their pockets to feed their animals, and they'd simply have to endure their headache after all.... either that or take a trip to a cash machine?

Note: I think that actually the card machines at the tills were not working and they were accepting cash only, so perhaps it was a panic stricken shopper who simply didn't have the means to pay for their shopping??

Biscuits and Ice Cream

A packet of morning coffee biscuits, unceremoniously ditched atop the Walls soft scoop vanilla ice cream (light).

It's particularly pleasing that:

a) The biscuits are Co-op's own brand.
b) This random shop actually should score negative points for actually increasing the shelf life of the randomly shopped item - biscuits in the freezer?? An infinite lifespan.
c) Vanilla ice cream LIGHT!! Don't make me laugh..... if you're looking for ice cream, no matter how you try, you're never gonna be a size zero.... just give it up.
d) Co-op random shopping features all too rarely.

Kebabs and Yoghurt

Flavoured chicken thigh kebabs?? Flavoured?? As opposed to the bland variety, perhaps? Anyhoo.... I love that someone has taken the time and trouble to queue up at the delicatessen counter to obtain this bag of flavoured kebabs, only to unceremoniously dump it amongst the organic yoghurts and fromage frais!! Kudos, random shopper!!

Lard and Apples

I like the contrast that this particular random shop provides. Lovely healthy fruit and veg corrupted by the unwelcome appearance of a block of lard! Lovely!! Reminds me of the episode of "Have I Got News For You" where Roy Hattersley's failure to appear resulted in him being replaced by a tub of lard.